After my last memory post, my husband (who does all the research on my situation) discovered one of the techniques used in mind control or severe manipulation as it relates to the victim’s personal view of God. To be honest, none of the phrases I can come up with can really give an adequate description of how intense and psychologically torturous mind control really is. To call it “mind-control” or manipulation, or brainwashing – does not do it justice. The best thing to call it is Psychological Torture. Back to the point, one of the focuses is to give the victim a view of God as being someone who can help you, but just chooses not to. This God, who is supposed to love and save you, threw you into the hands of people who abuse you and refuses to protect you. They turn God into a person who is one of the abusers. They force you into a position of having to do something wrong and make you believe that God will not forgive you, twisting bible verses to reinforce their heretical teaching. Another tool they use is getting somebody from their group and telling you that this person is Jesus. I believe that is what lead me to stop the ritual I mentioned in the previous memory post. Part of me was stopping Jesus from being killed.
I know that how the programmers and abusers worked on twisting my view of God was very painful, because as a child I remember before falling asleep at night I would pray and think about how my guardian angel was always there to protect me. I kept praying to God to please send my parents to pick me up, let me go home. I believed that my angel would help me, and I never gave up believing that fact. My others though, they had a rougher time. Through all the pain and internal conflict, I know God preserved me. It is because of Him that I am alive today. It is because of God that I am married to my husband – who just happens to be the absolute most perfect person for me to be married to. I have SO much to be thankful for!
There is so much more that I want to explain, but can’t make the connections and bring forward the information that applies to this subject. I know the information is there – but access is limited. What I do know and what I can share is this: God’s mercy is infinite. The only thing that prevents God from forgiving anybody is the person’s unwillingness to say they are sorry and ask forgiveness! I also learned that I am not above any sin – given the right circumstances and conditions, I can fall for any temptation. That is a key to humility and is so necessary as a follower of Christ. And you know, the more you lean on God to help you through the tough times, the closer you become to God.
My husband and I work together on healing with the use of imagery in the format of hypnosis. I am unable to become unconscious and remain completely aware during these sessions together – but it still works out well. My husband guides me downward to a deeper part of my brain the same way a person would during hypnosis. He guides me to my castle. (there happens to be a kind of mind control programming called castle programming) I incorporated God into my castle because that made me feel safe. In the beginning there was a simple white cross that my alters and I put our suffering on and offered up to God. Then, after fighting off demons with the help of my guardian angel, I turned one of my reclaimed rooms into a chapel. My relationship with Jesus was not formed so well, and so I went to Jesus’ mother – the Blessed Virgin Mary and asked for her help. Eventually I brought a life-sized crucifix into the downstairs living room. This way, upon entering my castle, I would kneel before the image of Christ and ask for His assistance during this therapy session with my husband. Eventually, one of my alters converted. I prayed for my full conversion, and Josie did, Emily is reluctant but has accepted Christ, and Nicky is one I am still working on. When Josie accepted Jesus, I brought her downstairs where she knelt down before the crucifix and began crying at the feet of Jesus. As she did this, the statue of Christ on the cross became real! We had reached the place where God resides within us. Since then, Jesus has been closer to me than ever before.
At this point, I have another chapel within my castle where my alters and I can go in prayer or during therapy to pray and talk to God. Recently, Emily was having trouble understanding why God didn’t save her. Jesus came to her, with his crown of thorns, and his skin torn from the scourging at the pillar, and he knelt down by little Emily, held her, and with more love than I could imagine He expressed how all His cuts are for her. The thorns in His head, are for her. Before I was ever born, He knew what would likely happen. This upset him so much that he bled during His agony in the garden. It is hard to grasp what this really means, but now Emily knows Jesus is really a loving merciful God. The thing is, this is true for all of us – not just me, not just you – but every person on Earth!