Still Quiet

About nine years ago already was my first flashback.  It only consisted of two hands and arms of a boy wrestling with me to hold me down.  This flashback was triggered by my husband being affectionate with me.   I could not see anything other than two hands and forearms.  My eyes were open, but … Continue reading Still Quiet

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Jesus’ Agony

Every so often I come to a point where I start to question everything.  I question these memories, or my Others and how separated are they or if they are real.  I test whether or not the life I remember is the life i lived.  I get to a point where I am like, Oh … Continue reading Jesus’ Agony

More of Me

Here I am, attempting to write what I can... Memories, pictures, people, It is all a story in my head like pages ripped out of a book, and hidden somewhere... somewhere...   The adults in my life consistently expressed disbelief in the possibility that I could have remembered something from when I was two, or … Continue reading More of Me

Accepting the Worst

When I began writing about coming to terms with having multiple personalities/dissociative identity disorder about a year ago or so the idea of accepting that there has been a BIG chunk of my life that I did not know anything about has been a struggle.  The idea that so much could have been done in … Continue reading Accepting the Worst

no escape

Tears from the innocents fall on me as the victims of satan's motherhood struggle no more, in chains of no relent Accepting no escape, stung by the glee of hateful followers at the perversion of innocence. She became a subservient slave of their painful power. Repeated escapes only brought torturous rapes, For even the neighbor took her back to … Continue reading no escape

Relaxation and Imagery

I am back with a vengeance after spending the last two seasons pursuing programming, personalities, and memories.    Van Helsing and I use imagery modeled by hypnosis to face my interior world.  I am going to explain how we work this based on our experience together. There are three phases to relaxation.  I start out … Continue reading Relaxation and Imagery

Eating a sour lemon is over quicker than making lemonade…

I am scared. There it is.  I am scared! It took nearly ten years to realize the abuse I endured caused me to dissociate.  Until my husband and I came to accept this we were homeschooling.  However, teaching the kids at home forced me to deal with whatever it was that caused functioning in this … Continue reading Eating a sour lemon is over quicker than making lemonade…

Picking Up Good Vibrations

An interesting and exciting experience occurred with my baby.  I was giving her a bottle and stopped to burp her.  So I put her on my shoulder and patted her back.  Then she did something babies always do when their mouth is near skin - she tried licking my shoulder.  Her automatic nursing reflex to … Continue reading Picking Up Good Vibrations

Bits and pieces on my mind about God

After my last memory post, my husband (who does all the research on my situation) discovered one of the techniques used in mind control or severe manipulation as it relates to the victim's personal view of God.  To be honest, none of the phrases I can come up with can really give an adequate description … Continue reading Bits and pieces on my mind about God