Still Quiet

About nine years ago already was my first flashback.  It only consisted of two hands and arms of a boy wrestling with me to hold me down.  This flashback was triggered by my husband being affectionate with me.   I could not see anything other than two hands and forearms.  My eyes were open, but … Continue reading Still Quiet

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Jesus’ Agony

Every so often I come to a point where I start to question everything.  I question these memories, or my Others and how separated are they or if they are real.  I test whether or not the life I remember is the life i lived.  I get to a point where I am like, Oh … Continue reading Jesus’ Agony

More of Me

Here I am, attempting to write what I can... Memories, pictures, people, It is all a story in my head like pages ripped out of a book, and hidden somewhere... somewhere...   The adults in my life consistently expressed disbelief in the possibility that I could have remembered something from when I was two, or … Continue reading More of Me

Accepting the Worst

When I began writing about coming to terms with having multiple personalities/dissociative identity disorder about a year ago or so the idea of accepting that there has been a BIG chunk of my life that I did not know anything about has been a struggle.  The idea that so much could have been done in … Continue reading Accepting the Worst

Relaxation and Imagery

I am back with a vengeance after spending the last two seasons pursuing programming, personalities, and memories.    Van Helsing and I use imagery modeled by hypnosis to face my interior world.  I am going to explain how we work this based on our experience together. There are three phases to relaxation.  I start out … Continue reading Relaxation and Imagery