Category Archives: Poetry

No. 15

Standard

Rip me apart

and tear me out

help me figure

what it’s all about

Cry my tears

then tell me why

you make this life

so hard to get by

cut out my heart

to hold in your hand

maybe then

you will understand

what it’s like to

be in my position

constantly in fear

of your opposition

touch my torn back

look at my eyes

explain to me this

terrible brain exersize

Put me through pain

then puncture me more

then ask me to explain

why you I don’t adore

tie me in chains

wring me ’til wrinkled

for you I don’t ask

more than one task

Love I do choose

You I don’t want to lose

no escape

Standard

Tears from the innocents

fall on me as the victims

of satan’s motherhood

struggle no more, in chains of no relent

Accepting no escape,

stung by the glee of hateful followers

at the perversion of innocence.

She became a subservient slave

of their painful power.

Repeated escapes only brought torturous rapes,

For even the neighbor took her back

to the devil’s den of cruelty.

Fight by flight failed in the end

she lost hope for help

lost hope for heaven

but does not want hell

She can not stand it, but can not defend

Or protect the innocents love

On which she depends.

Number 52

Standard

Sarah’s sailing out to sea

in a weather beaten boat

destination’s not important

just as long as she ignores it

She puts on her dress

the one her mom bought today

for her birthday she sails away

watching the wind press on the waves

Mother adores her

passion to make dreams come true

she left them all behind her back

never looking that way again

future in ocean

has taken her all over

doesn’t need to know her losses

happiness has left the building

Sarah sells her golden ring

says it makes her finger sting

Bill says, “She doesn’t follow my rules”

maybe it is better this way

Sarah’s sailing out to sea

in a weather beaten boat

destinations not important

just as long as she has her coat

——————————————–

—-Another poem of mine from 16 years ago or so—-

44

Standard

Bruised was my heart

as you walked away

toughened was my cry

after having to stay

watching your face

prepare for war

reminds me again

how hurt we both are

Still I stand strong

looking at you staring at me

waiting for love

receiving stolen energy

the coldness of your eyes

pours through your mouth

slashing my skin

poisoning my heart.

Love me, love me not,

peal the petals off my soul

leave me for dead

I’m out of control

No. 41

Standard

It is crazy knowing

my life will take a turn

not knowing what,

but soon enough I’ll learn

what’s going to happen

there is a feeling the year

will be eventfull

of this I am scared

crazy it may be,

what is going to happen to me?

No. 40

Standard

Why must I hide the child inside

from you?  This is from the hurt

which I hope for help to heal.

Cries inside of rage, and this cage

does not comfort me alone.

Sights of light can disengage

the lonely feeling I’ve shown.

Sad it does sound.  This heart, however

beats for you, love.

Pain undergone in the past

For some reason seems to last

When pieces of pain poke the present.

Love me honey,

Let me be your only one.

I will believe this if is said true.

From soul to soul

For me there is just you.

#24

Standard

I fear the love is not very clear

If you want to keep me near

Listen to my emotions the most

Hear out what I have to say

Watch my eyes and arms and head

If you cut me off instead

My heart will start to turn away

We want to love, not suffer

So why not open ourselves together

Watch the temper

I can only take so much

’cause your attitude stings

and makes me blind

My skin starts to soften

It sinks to my mind

Don’t take me to that compact place

Where sadness is always ruled by rage

And the face of insanity

Looks at us with grace.

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Here is my current explanation of this poem which I wrote over 15 years ago and before any thought of abuse or D.I.D. entered my consciousness:

I fear the love is not very clear

This expresses the confusion I felt at wanting to love

If you want to keep me near

Listen to my emotions the most

Hear out what I have to say

Watch my eyes and arms and head

If you cut me off instead

My heart will start to turn away

We want to love, not suffer

So why not open ourselves together

This is how my Others or alters tried to tell me they want to be a part of my life, they wanted to experience what I experienced and to not be so cut off.  As if they were saying “Just pay a little more attention to how you act and what you feel, we are here!”  It is not only myself they are speaking to, but everyone around I knew as well.

Watch the temper

I can only take so much

’cause your attitude stings

and makes me blind

My skin starts to soften

It sinks to my mind

Strong anger, or any strong negative emotion triggers dissociation.  The emotions make me blind (dissociation), causing me to become more vulnerable (skin softens and sinks within for protection).

Don’t take me to that compact place

Where sadness is always ruled by rage

And the face of insanity

Looks at us with grace.

This is an expression of the inner hell where my others stayed.