Still Quiet

About nine years ago already was my first flashback.  It only consisted of two hands and arms of a boy wrestling with me to hold me down.  This flashback was triggered by my husband being affectionate with me.   I could not see anything other than two hands and forearms.  My eyes were open, but … Continue reading Still Quiet

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Eating a sour lemon is over quicker than making lemonade…

I am scared. There it is.  I am scared! It took nearly ten years to realize the abuse I endured caused me to dissociate.  Until my husband and I came to accept this we were homeschooling.  However, teaching the kids at home forced me to deal with whatever it was that caused functioning in this … Continue reading Eating a sour lemon is over quicker than making lemonade…

A Memory for Monday

The memory I am going to share today is strange.  As always, if you have ptsd or did be careful of what you read.  Anything can be triggering!  This one involves partial memory of a ritual and punishment afterwards. This is a memory I recovered about a year and a half ago.  How do I … Continue reading A Memory for Monday

A Memory for Monday: a vision and a message

Today I will go into a surreal type of memory.   Josie, one of my alter personalities, went through some sort of psychic training or development. She is the one who saw angels, ghosts, and even demons.   Psychic development is a part of monarch programming. I believe whatever part of the brain where Josie … Continue reading A Memory for Monday: a vision and a message

Dorothy is home

I always liked "The Wizard of Oz" with Judy Garland. And so it was as a with me as well.  I remember my uncle commenting that I must have had some very strange dreams the night before.  The truth was, I didn't remember a thing.  I had no dreams, no nightmares, no idea whatsoever that … Continue reading Dorothy is home

A Memory for Monday…

Please use caution when reading my post if you are dealing with ptsd or did since reading any posts about my memories may be triggering. Today I mention: psychic, bath, knife *** *** After a session of being abused I was in the basement having an ice bath.  I absolutely hate cold water, I hate … Continue reading A Memory for Monday…

A Memory for Monday

Please use caution when reading my post if you are dealing with ptsd or did since reading any posts about my memories may be triggering. Today I mention angels, demon, switching personalities, catholicism *** One beautiful evening, when I was probably 19 years old, I found myself in the church parking lot with no memory … Continue reading A Memory for Monday

Connecting the Dots, emotional memory past and present

For the last week or so things have been so intense emotionally!  We have six daughters, so there is no shortage of emotions in this house!  Plus, we have one on the way - so I am an absolute hormonal wreck!  For the most part the problem is due to pregnancy just intensifying how I … Continue reading Connecting the Dots, emotional memory past and present

Methodical Destruction

Hypnosis at home, do I really get hypnotized?  I am not sure if I can be truly hypnotized because of how my programming was set up. I was set up to go into a trance when ever the trigger was used.  I know in general of one trigger, although I am unable to remember the … Continue reading Methodical Destruction