Still Quiet

About nine years ago already was my first flashback.  It only consisted of two hands and arms of a boy wrestling with me to hold me down.  This flashback was triggered by my husband being affectionate with me.   I could not see anything other than two hands and forearms.  My eyes were open, but … Continue reading Still Quiet

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Accepting the Worst

When I began writing about coming to terms with having multiple personalities/dissociative identity disorder about a year ago or so the idea of accepting that there has been a BIG chunk of my life that I did not know anything about has been a struggle.  The idea that so much could have been done in … Continue reading Accepting the Worst

Eating a sour lemon is over quicker than making lemonade…

I am scared. There it is.  I am scared! It took nearly ten years to realize the abuse I endured caused me to dissociate.  Until my husband and I came to accept this we were homeschooling.  However, teaching the kids at home forced me to deal with whatever it was that caused functioning in this … Continue reading Eating a sour lemon is over quicker than making lemonade…

Picking Up Good Vibrations

An interesting and exciting experience occurred with my baby.  I was giving her a bottle and stopped to burp her.  So I put her on my shoulder and patted her back.  Then she did something babies always do when their mouth is near skin - she tried licking my shoulder.  Her automatic nursing reflex to … Continue reading Picking Up Good Vibrations

Bits and pieces on my mind about God

After my last memory post, my husband (who does all the research on my situation) discovered one of the techniques used in mind control or severe manipulation as it relates to the victim's personal view of God.  To be honest, none of the phrases I can come up with can really give an adequate description … Continue reading Bits and pieces on my mind about God

A few things I have learned

Any idea of who I thought I was completely shattered upon the acceptance of a single memory.  For years, my husband and I wondered if I was sexually abused as a child.  We talked about what I always remembered and discussed certain bedroom behaviors of mine.  As far as I knew I lived a completely uneventful and … Continue reading A few things I have learned

Caught in the Middle Between Multiple Personalities (DID) and Marriage

Internal conflicts... that which hits the at the heart of who my alters are and why they exist; the very reason from what I can tell so far, that one alter split into two and so on.  My husband is an empath and picks up on the deepest parts of my emotions.  He has picked … Continue reading Caught in the Middle Between Multiple Personalities (DID) and Marriage

Old Guitar

This morning my oldest red-head discovered something under my bed.  She had a guitar pic in her hand, and a huge smile on her face. She said, "Mom, I found something to make music!" My old guitar is something I always wanted to feel comfortable playing, but couldn't get around feeling so self conscious about … Continue reading Old Guitar

Princess Power!

Over the past week I took one daughter at a time to the store to pick up a doll.  Daughter G, who is 7 years old now, picked out the Princess Power Barbie doll with the blue hair.  Blue is her favorite color.  G is a sweetie, she reminds me of myself as a kid. … Continue reading Princess Power!