“I” vs. “We”

It has been a while since I have written, so this is gonna be off the cuff - free style. Boy oh boy, there is constant criticism one way or another. Thought heard from within:  "Don't say 'I'. I write 'I' way too much and nobody wants to hear you talk about yourself all the … Continue reading “I” vs. “We”

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Still Quiet

About nine years ago already was my first flashback.  It only consisted of two hands and arms of a boy wrestling with me to hold me down.  This flashback was triggered by my husband being affectionate with me.   I could not see anything other than two hands and forearms.  My eyes were open, but … Continue reading Still Quiet

Jesus’ Agony

Every so often I come to a point where I start to question everything.  I question these memories, or my Others and how separated are they or if they are real.  I test whether or not the life I remember is the life i lived.  I get to a point where I am like, Oh … Continue reading Jesus’ Agony

More of Me

Here I am, attempting to write what I can... Memories, pictures, people, It is all a story in my head like pages ripped out of a book, and hidden somewhere... somewhere...   The adults in my life consistently expressed disbelief in the possibility that I could have remembered something from when I was two, or … Continue reading More of Me

Accepting the Worst

When I began writing about coming to terms with having multiple personalities/dissociative identity disorder about a year ago or so the idea of accepting that there has been a BIG chunk of my life that I did not know anything about has been a struggle.  The idea that so much could have been done in … Continue reading Accepting the Worst

no escape

Tears from the innocents fall on me as the victims of satan's motherhood struggle no more, in chains of no relent Accepting no escape, stung by the glee of hateful followers at the perversion of innocence. She became a subservient slave of their painful power. Repeated escapes only brought torturous rapes, For even the neighbor took her back to … Continue reading no escape

Relaxation and Imagery

I am back with a vengeance after spending the last two seasons pursuing programming, personalities, and memories.    Van Helsing and I use imagery modeled by hypnosis to face my interior world.  I am going to explain how we work this based on our experience together. There are three phases to relaxation.  I start out … Continue reading Relaxation and Imagery