Here I am, attempting to write what I can…
Memories, pictures, people,
It is all a story in my head
like pages ripped out of a book,
and hidden somewhere…
The adults in my life consistently expressed disbelief in the possibility that I could have remembered something from when I was two, or younger. Even I have a hard time believing that I could have a memory from so young, but I do.
I found the missing pages.
It is like finding the pieces of a treasure map when you thought you had the whole map, only to discover these missing pieces are absolutely vital to succeeding in finding the buried treasure.
I have discovered a lot over the last few months. I have recovered memories and other personalities. You know what? With the recent additions, I feel MORE myself than I remember feeling in an extremely long time. With every found piece, I find peace.
“I remember feeling that way!”
I can remember feeling!
As the group becomes more whole within, I honestly know more and more how every last personality or alter – is really me.
Each one of them is a part of me that developed under certain conditions out of necessity. They are me, and I am in them. I used to be afraid that each part of me was going to be some evil thing that could never change. We all just need a little help, that’s all. I still wouldn’t mind talking to a priest, though!
Something worth looking into more is attachment theory.
Another subject is childhood emotional neglect.
Emotional neglect may not sound like a big deal to some people, but it is helping me understand what I was going through emotionally as a preschooler/toddler. Emotional neglect greatly shaped who I am.
I have to share the memories, but will do that later.