More of Me

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Here I am, attempting to write what I can…

Memories, pictures, people,

It is all a story in my head

like pages ripped out of a book,

and hidden somewhere…

somewhere…

 

The adults in my life consistently expressed disbelief in the possibility that I could have remembered something from when I was two, or younger.  Even I have a hard time believing that I could have a memory from so young, but I do.

I found the missing pages.

It is like finding the pieces of a treasure map when you thought you had the whole map, only to discover these missing pieces are absolutely vital to succeeding in finding the buried treasure.

I have discovered a lot over the last few months.  I have recovered memories and other personalities.  You know what?  With the recent additions, I feel MORE myself than I remember feeling in an extremely long time.  With every found piece, I find peace.

“I remember feeling that way!”

I can remember feeling!

As the group becomes more whole within, I honestly know more and more how every last personality or alter – is really me.

Each one of them is a part of me that developed under certain conditions out of necessity.  They are me, and I am in them.    I used to be afraid that each part of me was going to be some evil thing that could never change.  We all just need a little help, that’s all.  I still wouldn’t mind talking to a priest, though!

Something worth looking into more is attachment theory.

Another subject is childhood emotional neglect.

Emotional neglect may not sound like a big deal to some people, but it is helping me understand what I was going through emotionally as a preschooler/toddler.  Emotional neglect greatly shaped who I am.

 

I have to share the memories, but will do that later.

goodnight 🙂

 

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