The memory I am going to share today is strange. As always, if you have ptsd or did be careful of what you read. Anything can be triggering! This one involves partial memory of a ritual and punishment afterwards.
Every day there are little trials or irritations. Sometimes, or most of the time, I forget to lean on God to help me relieve some of the pressure. Other times it is easier to remember that when you are on God’s side, you have access to a well of strength. This well does not ever run dry, because it is supplied by God’s infinite power and His living water.
Like fresh cool water on a hot day, this living water supplied by God keeps me going when I feel like I am about to collapse under the cross I carry. A drink of cold water on a hot summer day does not change the weather around you. Cold water is not exactly the same as a cool breeze, it is not something that will transfer you from the middle of a dessert to a cool lush location. Cool water will not fix the air conditioning in your car and cool you off from the outside. Instead it aids the inside of your body allowing you to enjoy the world around you. When no longer dehydrated, it is easier to walk the path in front of you without being focused on any discomfort or suffering.
Being without the living water supplied by God’s grace is similar in that the pressure we feel while carrying our daily cross – otherwise known as our daily or life long difficulties – is like being dehydrated on a hot day. The harder we press on with our cross, the harder it is to do that without being focused on our personal suffering. Our suffering becomes all we can think about. Kind of like when you get SO thirsty that all you can do is think about getting a drink of water! When we get to the point where we “can’t take it anymore” (something I experience often enough), that is time to go to God, kneel down, and ask for a spiritual drink of water.
God may or may not change your external circumstances. He may decide the path you are on is too important to change. Sometimes God shows us another path to take, and we just don’t take it. God will not change our free will or the will of anyone around us. But, He will give us water and help us carry our crosses. We are not promised happiness in this life, but if we remain faithful and love God, He will bring us happiness in the next life.
***My husband likes to say God doesn’t take his stress away, He just gives him the capacity to handle an infinite amount!
“O holy Angel who didst strengthen Jesus Christ our Lord, come and strengthen us also; come and tarry not!”
Ever since I was a little girl and learned how much some of the saints have suffered through the centuries they have been an inspiration. Martyrs of the Catholic Church have some of the most fascinating stories to tell. Regardless of how I felt as a child, in spite of my pain which had no conscious source until a couple years ago – these saints helped me to know that no matter how bad it was (a) it could always get worse, and (b) if it does get worse, God will help me through it. At least I am not being burned to death like many martyrs. St Lawrence was burned on a grill and the famous quote is, “you can turn me over, I am done cooking on that side.” Then there is St. Lucy, whose eyes were gouged out as part of her torture. St. Margaret of Antioch was also a daughter of a pagan priest who converted to christianity. She was tortured when she refused to marry a pagan prefect, was swallowed by a dragon, and eventually was beheaded.
Below I share a few saints and blesseds who persevered in leaning on God throughout their painful lives:
It is crazy knowing
my life will take a turn
not knowing what,
but soon enough I’ll learn
what’s going to happen
there is a feeling the year
will be eventfull
of this I am scared
crazy it may be,
what is going to happen to me?
Why must I hide the child inside
from you? This is from the hurt
which I hope for help to heal.
Cries inside of rage, and this cage
does not comfort me alone.
Sights of light can disengage
the lonely feeling I’ve shown.
Sad it does sound. This heart, however
beats for you, love.
Pain undergone in the past
For some reason seems to last
When pieces of pain poke the present.
Love me honey,
Let me be your only one.
I will believe this if is said true.
From soul to soul
For me there is just you.