A Memory for Monday

Please use caution when reading my post if you are dealing with ptsd or did since reading any posts about my memories may be triggering. Today I mention angels, demon, switching personalities, catholicism


One beautiful evening, when I was probably 19 years old, I found myself in the church parking lot with no memory on how I arrived there that night. There were strange images of what seemed to happen – including angels and a devil. I had the strange thought in my head to just check if I could steal the Blessed Sacrament.

I searched my brain trying to figure out where I had been. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I was always able to account for my whereabouts (or so I thought). All I could remember was talking to my friend Cindy*.   I thought that I was on my way to hang out with her, but at this point I wasn’t even sure of that! So, I made a phone call. Cindy and I had been hanging out with her friends from high school.   I made a phone call to our friend Andy*.

Andy answered the phone, “Josie?”

“Uh, this isn’t Josie” was my response.

I could hear him say “oh shit” to everybody he was with. “Who is this?”

“This is Dory, was I out with you and Cindy tonight?” I asked.


“Do you mind if we hang out tonight?” I asked

“No, we can’t we’re kind of busy. We have something going on, we can’t get together,” Andy said.

Well that was disappointing! I know I didn’t plan on going to church that night, but since I was in the parking lot thought may as well see if I could go inside and pray.   The doors were locked. I wasn’t dressed for praying at a Traditional Latin church anyway. I drove off in my parents van, making phone calls with my cell phone to all of my friends trying to figure out what the heck was going on. Nobody was planning on hanging out with me. The friend who I thought I had talked to regularly claimed he hadn’t heard from me all week. I was eventually able to find somebody to hang out with. Since I could never answer why I was in the church parking lot I blew it off and went on with my life.

Finally ready to accept the truth, I can accept what really brought me to church that night. I was programmed and on a job for the local group of satanists. Here is how things went down in the parking lot:

I (Josie at this point) drove to the church. You see, the satanists perform what is commonly known as the black mass. In order for this to take place there is a certain ingredient or necessary articles to properly perform this sacrilegious act. Everybody commonly knows the devil is in utter hate with God – but people do not commonly know or understand just how deep this hatred goes. The devil’s goal and driving motivation for all that he does is to destroy or at least invert or turn on its head all that God does, all that is done for God, all that has any goodness whatsoever. This includes anything and everything created by God, which is all that is visible and invisible. Our Earth, the animals and plants and of course, humanity. That covers a broad spectrum of all that is. You see, when Jesus died on the cross at the culmination of His passion, He visited all of the spirits in existence. The good were finally let into Heaven, and the evil spirits (including demons) were sent to Hell. The more evil that is committed in the world, the more power we allow the demons to use on us – if that makes sense. The night before He died, Jesus at the last supper, broke the bread, saying “This Is My Body.” He didn’t say this is like My body. The Latin mass uses the most pure and efficient means of turning the bread host into the body of God. Of course satanists will grab holy communion from any and every church – not just traditional ones – that’s pretty easy to do. It is harder to get at a Traditional Mass. That’s why they usually try to break into a church to steal it or have somebody else get it for them. This Body of Jesus Himself is necessary for the black mass to take place.   The more pure the form of the Body of God is that they get, the stronger the effect is that they are hoping to accomplish. Dory grew up on God’s side. She was taught that only a properly consecrated priest could touch the body of Christ and even then only a certain way. If the eucharist fell on the floor, only the priest could pick it up.   If you touched it with your hand, that was considered sacrilege. She learned to receive the eucharist a certain special way that is only done through the old style of catholic mass. This is the reason she doesn’t go to just any catholic church – she absolutely refuses to receive communion in the hand. Anyway, that gives you a backround to the religious significance this has in our dissociative system of alters.

The devil certainly is the master of all deceit.   In a book written by Brice Taylor she writes how multi-generational families in satanism will “adopt” children to use. We know now that is the story with our person. They will even make sure the child/person is never marked with any tattoos, which are commonly used in victims of mind control, in order to keep the body pure (for what ever reason that is I don’t remember)

As I pulled into the church parking lot, I could tell this night was not like every other night. There was fear all around me – not the fear I grew up to know, but a very different fear. It was hard to get past this feeling. I walked up to the doors, but could not open them. I’m not sure I even tried – I just couldn’t do it. I was chickening out, but I couldn’t leave without finishing what I was there to do. So, I walked around the back of the church and tried the back doors – but they were locked also.

I called Andy. “Did you get it?” he asked.

“I can’t get in. It’s locked,” I said.

Andy tried to talk me into breaking into the church. He gave me a little pep talk.   When I told him about the angels protecting the place he freaked out a little. As I sat in the car, I saw these large spirits flying around the church.   They were doubtless to be angels.   They were dressed in long white gowns, girded with gold belts. They carried swords. The two had golden hair about shoulder length. Their wings were mostly white, but not always visible. The wings sparkled. They were very tall, I can’t describe what their presence was like – majestic or regal does not adequately describe them.

Andy said I should go past them, they wouldn’t do anything to me – and this had to be done anyway. So, I decided to repark the car so I would be facing the front doors.   I stared at those doors, trying to work up the courage to try again. I got out of the car, then got back in. There was a demon with me, but my guardian angel was with me too. I didn’t see my guardian angel at all, until he went up to talk to one of the church guardians. Even then I don’t remember his face or much about my own guardian. I assume he explained things to the church angels, because then the large angel walked up towards the car, I remember his face being close. But that was it – my night ended then and there.

This angel of God brought me (Dory) back. That was when I found myself in the church parking lot, wondering what in the world I was doing there because I didn’t remember anything before then.   It was at this point when I called Andy and Cindy to see if I had been out with them previously that evening.

Okay, so I did remember a little. I can accept seeing the angels, and I could accept seeing devils, but what I could not accept was going to the church I grew up at to steal the Sacred Body of God in the Holy Eucharist. That was way too far out there for me to accept. So, being unable to understand or reconcile in my head what I was remembering, I pushed it down and fought it off believing it was the devil wanting to disturb me.

I am so very grateful to God and His wonderful angels for bringing me back that night and stopping me from stealing the Sacred Host – or anything else from the church for that matter, because I know that would have happened as well!



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