Over the past week I took one daughter at a time to the store to pick up a doll. Daughter G, who is 7 years old now, picked out the Princess Power Barbie doll with the blue hair. Blue is her favorite color. G is a sweetie, she reminds me of myself as a kid. She is quiet and thoughtful. She doesn’t have the same problem with socializing with others like I had growing up. That is beautiful because I know she has never been abused. She is growing and maturing just the way God created her. Sometimes I wonder how I would have turned out had our family never moved so close to my uncle, but that is pointless to think about.
Anyway, at the store we looked at several Barbie dolls. You know what, I felt giddy inside. I’m sure that was Emily (my little girl alter). It was nice to know she was present. She has been hiding a lot. Well, part of the problem is that even though she is quiet I have a hard time in general identifying who’s who in my mind. I hear their comments often enough, but I heard them my whole life and always took ownership of the thoughts myself. So, now I have to reassess where they are coming from and who is who.
Emily is a sweet little girl, but she seems to be very intellectual also – like she is the younger self but also has a more mature intellectual self and I am not sure if that is a separate person, or if it is still her. Maybe one is her protector since she is extremely shy and wants to live in her familiar shell.
I believe the most recent recollection of feeling compassion and wanting to change my own situation and other kids’ situations but failing and then making things worse for everybody opened up the vault for taking the risk to love others again. Empathy and sympathy may be the key for connecting with Emily.
Pic of the doll: