Writing is cathartic.
For the past couple weeks we couldn’t use our computer because the monitor broke and we had to wait a little bit before buying a new one. I did make use of my spiral notebook and wrote – usually when I became so emotional and angry that I couldn’t take it anymore.
Actually, my husband ordered a gift online. I was shocked to discover what it was. It was a coloring book for survivors of child abuse. Personally, my alter system enjoys it. As I color and think about the points the author is making it really opens my mind to strengthening our selves inside. I found very little about it to be offensive. I couldn’t even find much relating to the spiritual aspect she mentions. I am just glad there aren’t any “Peace” symbols which are everywhere these days! Okay, I did find one on a coloring page – oh well. The peace symbol in reality means “Death to All” in satanism – fyi. Anyway, there is certainly something to how the brain works. I know that when I do things that work the brain a certain way, it gives my others the ability to deal with life or just catch up, too. This is true for handwriting, drawing, artwork, even the crocheting I do is a medium for my others.
Venting*** I was going to link to the wikipedia page that explained the history of the peace symbol which included the satanic origins, but wouldn’t you know that page doesn’t exist anymore?!! That is really upsetting. The world is so out of control and believing all of the lies they are fed! The peace symbol – while it can mean nuclear disarmament if it is perfectly made, is actually the inverted broken cross. While my good uncle was blessing me on my forehead with a prayer, my evil uncle who sold me out to be programmed was making peace symbols on my forehead to curse me! Oh well, there is more info out there on the subject if you do a search.
The coloring book is great for the times I am less angry. Saturday morning I was completely out of my mind. I perceived that my husband was treating me like his opposition because we disagreed on something. Actually, I don’t know what caused it to begin with. All I know is that if I can’t answer his question and progress in conversation I feel like I am literally banging my head against a brick wall. I want to keep moving forward, but I can not, and it absolutely makes me indescribably emotional. I wind up losing all hope. I become convinced that everybody would be better off without me and can’t seem to find a figurative rope to grab on to. I really have no idea what started the arguments this weekend and I really don’t want to know either because whatever it was I am not any further ahead at this point in healing and being able to face it differently, anyway, whatever it was.
As painful as it is to endure such intense negativity, and as much as I want to avoid praying during those times, I usually manage to get out a “God, Please Help Me!” And usually, even in spite of my desire to remain negative and angry, it eventually works out. It’s just really, really, really difficult to get through!
“God could in no wise permit the kind of evil out of which He could not bring good” — St. Augustine (354-430)